We're going through changes.

Sometimes, when everything is just shit, you just have to make a decision and go with it. It might not be the right one and you might make a mistake, but at least you can say you tried, and you may regret it, but at least you won't always be wondering 'what if'.

I am a mug, and a pushover. People treat me pretty badly, and I let them. It's not that I can take being hurt more than anyone else, I just feel like being happy for a little bit is worth it. I think maybe I have built up a little tollerance to it. I don't think I notice it, I just let it affect me without even realising.

Taking control of it is scary. You run the risk of being unhappy, even if just for a little bit. But it's important, because you're taking control for a reason and you're making things right. And it will get better, because it can't get worse. You're making a change because you aren't completely happy, and things won't get better if they stay exactly the same.

Take a risk. Close your eyes. Jump.

It's the most beautiful pain in the world, I love how it hurts.

Downer.

Wow. Where the fuck did this come from? I feel like shit. I want to sit by a river somewhere with a bottle of vodka and a pack of twenty and cry. I like rivers. I think I'm just tired. I hope I am. I had actually forgotten what a bad mood felt like. I don't like it, its not fun.

I had sucha beautiful day on Friday. Watched the royal wedding with my favourites, and then got joined by a few more in zee park. Then the evening? Started AMAZING. Got progressively worse. Beth went psyco. Shit went down. It was horrible. I was a mess. It was a mess. Everything was one big fucking mess. Urgh. I feel like crying now just thinking about everything. FUCK SAKE.

I then had a really shit day at work on Saturday. Really shit. So fucking bitchy there. Saturday evening was beautiful though. At Samuels watching Moulin Rouge with lovely LOVELY people. But as soon as I got home this morning I was just like . . woah, hating on life. URGH.

Tomorrow, Ali will come and save me, because we are going to sit and watch Doctor Who all day and eat shit and drink tea and I cant fucking wait. Oh Beth stop being sucha fun sponge. Sort yourself out. Life is beautiful. You have amazing friends. You are going to New York for your 18th if it kills you.

You're the best, just sayin' . . ♥

My Favourites.

Just another one of those FUCKING AWESOME days. I am so high on life right now its unreal. Never been so happy at just nothing in particular. I love life.

Lunch with two beautiful people, and I got a free smoothie. Boston Tea Party decided that 5 minutes is just a completely unacceptable amount of time to be waiting for a drink. So I get a free one. Cheers'en!
Then Kat went home, Samuel arrived, and we decided that some good old fudge was a much better idea than coffee. So we hung out in the market til the fudge shop opened, and I found the one Train CD that Ali doesn't have. For 50p. Skills.

And then we ate fudge on the green, and planned what I am thinking is going to be one of my favourite weekends EVER. Can't even begin to explain my excitement.

When everything is lovely, I have nothing to say. Can't think of one single thing to rant about at all. And this is why I am one seriously boring fucker.

Oh, and I'm going to New York for my 18th Birthday with my favourite person EVER. Just sayin' . . BITCHEZZZ ♥

DEVON, ENGLAND ♥

I have decided that this is the best place in the whole entire world. Yeah it might have its downsides, like crappy shops, but that's why we have the internet. And it might not have loads of stuff to do, but that's why we have cars and trains and cities. And it might not be the most beautiful and exotic place on earth, but that's why we have holidays. And the best bit about a holiday, is coming home.

Oh holiday. I don't know how to say this. It was fun while it lasted but we just aren't right for each other. I feel like you were far to controlling and stopped me seeing all my favourite people. Maybe some time in the future, we could try again, but right now, we are just better off without each other. I'm sorry . .

I don't think I have ever missed anyone as much as I missed people this past week. And it just seems that there is just more and more people who I couldn't live without anymore. Obviously Beth has her favourites. The ones who. Fuck. I can't even begin to explain my love for. Who like . . I just . . no. I'm not even going to try. Not tonight. But you. You just. URGH ♥ Love you more than anything else in my life. EVER.

Basically . . LIFE ♥ I know I sound like some kind of fucking broken record or some shit right now. But I am actually SO HAPPY!! Perfect.


Baby you will always be my favourite mistake. You were worth every goddamn fucked up minute. But now its come to this. And its so much better ♥

Beth is leaving the country. Thankyou and goodnight.

Although sun, and food, and beach, and alcohol and general holidayness sounds lovely, I want to stay at home. Ima miss people WAAYYY too much.

Gonna be a little hole in my life for the next week.
You people. Oh my. I love you. ALOT ♥
I expect you all to cry in my absence, and mail me every day. K?

I'm a little bit lost without you . .

when we first met, i had no idea you'd be so important to me.

You know when you see something or read something that just makes your heart sink? I hate that. Its always just one of those "shit happens" kinda things. Nothing you can do about it. Your friends would rather meet up without you. Some guy you're into is seeing someone else. Someone is being a general twat. Well guess what FUCK YOU ALL. Coz sometimes you read some shit that does completely the opposite.

My life is literally amazing right now. I feel like in the last month, everything has changed. Every single thing about my life is completely different. And I love it. This new thing is the best. When you are just honest with yourself, and admit some shit to people its so much better. Secrets are overrated. Yeah, sometimes they are necessary, because people will get hurt by the truth, or it will complicate things. But getting stuff off your shoulders sometimes is so good.

All the new people in my life are amazing. I could no longer imagine my life without them. I wouldn't even be me anymore. I would be like. LOST. But sometimes one person walks into your life and just . . oh my fuck I can't explain it! They just make everything make sense. Sometimes, you just click and life is just perfect and . . I have tried to explain this so many times. We can't even explain it. I just . . GOODNESS. My love is beyond explanation. Its perfect. I Love You *blows kiss*

I am like this big bundle of happy smileyness. And yeah, my head is full of fucked up shit that makes me want to scream at people and slam my face into a wall. But in general, I can't remember ever being this happy. Someone. Fucking. Gets. Me.
Being Beth right now is amazing. 

Just tonight I will stay, and we'll throw it all away ♥

LIFE ♥

Today, was the most perfect day in the whole history of ever. I just spent it with amazing people, doing lovely things on this beautiful sunny day. Oh my goodness, I have never been so happy!!

Sun ♥ Food ♥ Kat ♥ Chris ♥ Chats ♥ Friends ♥ Beach ♥ Ali ♥ Toby ♥ IceCream ♥ Photos ♥ LIFE ♥

I have also just rediscovered twitter. Or maybe finally discovered it. I'm not sure, but anywho, Nick Gardner totally tweeted me. Don't be too jealous. Oh my fuck he is amazing. Check him on youtube. I mean it. UNREAL!

I'm just way too happy to even write anything of any interest or sense. So sorry. And I will write something interesting to. Maybe I will even push the boat out and go all inspirational.

There's a fire starting in my heart ♥